Muse and Mischief

The chorus of laughter and games in their favorite Chuck E Cheese encroached on the tense negotiation within the booth, where a supreme pizza waited to be devoured. Corrie Andrews tapped her burgundy nails on the table in repeating succession as she fluctuated from sadness to anger and back again. The nature of the post-divorce world she found herself within was very unfair in that moment. Across the table Diana, her ex-wife, watched her reaction with measured concern. 

“I know you’re mad,” she said with a level of certainty that always bothered Corrie when they were married, mainly because in most cases she was right. 

“I’m not mad,” Corrie lied and bit down on the inside of her lower lip to steel her expression. She brushed her hair behind her ear, fidgeted for a moment, then pulled her hair back down.

“You’re doing that thing with your lip you do when you’re mad and don’t want to admit you’re mad,” Diana said with a frown. Her fingers interlaced and she rested her chin upon them. The flawless nature of her messy bun of black hair and her natural look always made Corrie a little jealous. Whereas Diana envied Corrie mastering the artistic skill of makeup in less than three years. Even after the mutual decision to close the chapter on their marriage a year ago, the best parts of their relationship endured. 

“Okay, I’m a little upset,” Corrie relented. Her muscles loosened and she leaned against the edge of the table. 

“Thank you,” Diana whispered. She leaned forward to hear Corrie out. 

“This isn’t what we agreed to.” Corrie kept her tone measured and even. To this day they had never said anything in anger to the other. She wasn’t about to start that now. 

Diana yielded with a polite nod. “I know, but my parents—”

“Want to do everything they can to separate me and our son,” Corrie spat out. She wagged her finger in the air. “They, they are angry.” Even Diana was unable to refute that statement. Ever since Corrie stopped being Diana’s husband and became her wife, they did everything they could to poison what remained. When the marriage ended, they set their sights on Mark. 

“My parents are getting older, and it is important to them to be close to family for the holidays,” Diana explained and sidestepped Corrie’s accusation. She leaned forward and put her hands over Corrie’s. “It isn’t going to happen on your years.” She pleaded with Corrie for some understanding. 

Corrie held her position and hoped it would dissuade Diana. “We promised—”

“That wasn’t a realistic promise.” Diana cut her off with a gentle tone. She squeezed Corrie’s hand and continued, “When you meet someone new, I am sure they aren’t going to want to share Christmas with me.” She looked deep into Corrie’s eyes and waited for a response.

In the year since Corrie moved out of the house, dating had been a moving target. Encounters were abundantly available, and she had entertained a fair share. However, finding something substantial, as a transwoman, felt like an impossibility. That wasn’t what tore her up inside though. No, this was just the latest symptom that reminded her what she was losing. Reality overcame her and she tried to speak past the lump in her throat. “I just…it’s going to be my first Christmas away from him.”

“I know and I really am sorry that this is going to be hard for you,” Diana replied. 

“I know you are. I do, really.” Diana wasn’t malicious. She’d taken Mark to see her parents more often on her weekends, but Corrie just thought she had at least one more year before this started happening. The thought of not being able to read the Night Before Christmas to Mark on Christmas Eve stung quite deep. “It just sucks.”

“It’s going to suck all around.” Diana sat back in the booth and looked out to the game area. “He isn’t going to be happy when he hears about it.”

“He doesn’t know?” Corrie asked and scanned the kids playing video games to catch sight of Mark. Her gaze circled the room once before she caught sight of his bright, brown eyes and dark ‘rock’n’roll’ hair while he played skee ball. She pointed in that direction, “Dee.”

Diana caught sight of Mark and nodded. She turned back to Corrie. “I wanted us to be united on it, so it doesn’t ruin his holiday.”

Corrie shrugged her shoulders and begrudged the situation. “You know I have your back.” If the situation was reversed, she knew that Diana would do the same for her. She did a lot for Corrie. After Corrie came out to Diana four years ago she met other women in online support groups whose families were outright hostile. She didn’t know where she would be if Diana had reacted that way. They really tried to make it work, books, counselors, praying, but it just wasn’t meant to play out that way.

Diana smiled and her nose scrunched up the way it did on their first date eleven years ago. “I do, and I love you for that,” she said with a reminiscent sweetness.

Corrie finished off the last bit of soda. “Your parents do hate me though.”

Diana squinted her eyes with doubt. “Hate is such a strong word.” She picked a mushroom off the pizza and tossed it into her mouth. “They certainly admonish you though,” she said with a playful smile. She shrugged, “But you’re Mark’s parent and more importantly, you’re my best friend. They must accept that,” she finished with a definite bounce of her head. She smiled again.

Corrie picked a sausage off the pizza. “Excellent use of vocabulary,” she replied. 

“I told them the second they talk bad about you around Mark we are leaving.” 

“I appreciate that.” Corrie finally separated the stack of paper plates and set each on the table in front of them both and the spot for Mark.  

Diana waved to Mark several times until he finally acknowledged her by giving the sign that asked to finish one more game. She nodded and returned her attention to Corrie. “Are you going to cancel your time off since you won’t have to be home with Mark next week?” she asked and pulled a slice of pizza onto her plate. 

“Probably,” Corrie answered and took a piece for herself as well. 

“You shouldn’t.” Diana blew on her slice, even though it had been sitting there for several minutes already. She took a bite and then held her finger up while she finished chewing. When she was done, she continued her thought, “Take the time to do things for you. You deserve it.” She set the pizza back onto her plate and glanced back at Mark to check his progress. “Do all of the Christmas things you like to do.” After a large gulp of her drink she smirked at Corrie and gave her a wink. “Maybe you can get laid while you’re at it.”

Corrie scoffed and shook her head. “That isn’t awkward for you?” she asked. 

“We haven’t been a couple for two years, I just want you to be happy,” Diana answered with a pronounced level of certainty. Throughout their relationship’s journey she still loved Corrie, it just evolved.

Corrie leaned across the table. “I want that for you too you know.” She did worry about Diana feeling lonely. 

Diana took another bite of pizza. “I’m not looking for anything like that.” She looked back to Mark who climbed out of the game chair. She pulled a piece of pizza onto Mark’s waiting plate. “I’m happy where I am at,” she concluded. Mark ran towards their table.

“That’s fair,” said Corrie as Mark skidded to a stop at the edge of the booth.

“Mama come play the dinosaur game with me,” Mark requested with such enthusiasm. 

“It’s time to eat.” Diana answered. 

Mark walked over to Corrie’s side of the booth. “Will you play with me?” he asked.

Corrie made an incredulous face and exclaimed, “But who is going to eat all this pizza?”

“Pizza’s here?” Mark asked as he just noticed the food on his plate.

“Um yeah!” Corrie exclaimed with exaggerated excitement. Mark climbed into the booth and started eating. Diana tussled his hair for a moment and raised her eyebrows at Corrie who nodded in response. 

Diana leaned in close to Mark and put her arm around him. “Hey kiddo, your dad and I have something to tell you.”

Mark looked across the table at Corrie with wide eyes. “What is it?”

Corrie took a deep breath before she spoke. “Well, your Grams and Grandad really miss you, so you and your mom are going to go visit them next week and spend Christmas with them.”

Laughter larger than Mark’s little frame erupted from him. “Awesome!” He bounced several times in his seat. 

“That’s exciting right?” Corrie encouraged. 

“Are we all going to sleep in the same room again?” asked Mark.

Diana patted Mark on the chest. “Well, you and me are.” she answered. 

Concern washed over Mark’s face and the excitement left his voice. “Where’s she going to sleep?”

Corrie forced a smile and answered. “I’m going to stay here.”

“But why?” Mark whimpered.

“Well, my boss said that I have to work next week so I can’t go.” Corrie lied. Since becoming a parent, she learned that sometimes little lies are necessary to protect little hearts from painful truths. Even Corrie had no desire to shatter Mark’s perception of his only living grandparents. “But don’t worry about me, I’m going to have lots of fun with my friends.” Another lie. 

“You don’t have any friends,” Mark replied with the bitter truth.

“I do too! You just haven’t met them,” Corrie replied with another white lie. She lost a lot of friends after coming out. Some of them moved away from San Antonio, others, well others just moved on. The thought of those missed connections stung, but Corrie hid it well behind a smile. She was better off.

“Mama do we have to go?” Mark whimpered.

“It will be okay kiddo. We’re going to come back next weekend and spend New Years with Dad.”

Mark’s eyes widened and excitement returned to his face. “Can we do explosions?” he gasped.

Corrie laughed at how quickly Mark moved past his disappointment. “Yeah we can get some fireworks and do them at your mom’s house.” Warmth filled her chest and her muscles relaxed as Mark settled back into his meal, content with the state of the world again. 

Mark picked several mushrooms from the pizza and left them in a small pile on the table. “Mama can she do snuggles tonight?” he asked through his intense focus on the task at hand.

Diana and Corrie exchanged a glance. Diana shrugged an invitation to her. Corrie nodded and spoke, “Sure baby. I would love that.”

Mark chirped some random noises to illustrate his satisfaction while they continued their meal as a family in every sense of the word except on paper. It was in these moments that the universe grew infinite and Corrie reveled in the connection to something greater than herself. It reminded her of those stolen moments with her sisters and parents while she grew up. When she and Diana agreed their marriage was over, the possible loss of this kept Corrie awake for hours. While thankful for days like this, she still worried how much longer they would last. 

***

You can purchase the whole novella on Amazon or Barnes and or Barnes & Noble on eBook or Paperback.