Muse and Mischief

Life has never and will never be a straight line. That’s kind of the point I think. Even those who believe their path in life was a straight shot to where they are now had some twists and turns along the way.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back at my life I can see how everything led me to where I am now, so much so that if given the chance I wouldn’t change a thing. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all part of what makes us, us. 

One thing I have learned is that my journey in life and my journey as a writer are irrevocably intertwined. Evolutions in my character and core always find their way into my writing.

Looking back through what I have written over the past three decades…well that’s humbling… is like looking at a fossil record where major milestones or seismic shifts of my life transformed how I perceived and created art. 

Every relationship, break-up, setback and success influenced not only my content but also how I chose words and the rhythm in which I used them. Major events created epochs of time in my life.

Leaving our longest duty station after fifth grade, the end of my freshman year of high school, the birth of my first son, my dad dying, meeting my wife, and coming out as a transgender woman. 

I can pull up pieces I created between those milestones and see the shifts in how viewed the world and its impact on what I created. However, I think the biggest catalyst for change was when my dad died in 2005. That hardened my perspective on the world a great deal.

My drawings and paintings always had a somber undercurrent and my writing, though it still had a semblance of hope in it, grew cynical. Themes of loss, anger, and fear became very present in short stories and poetry. 

After meeting my wife in the 2010s my work settled into a grounded realism. While I did come up with some fantastic and imaginative stories, I tended to focus on the moments grounded in reality like relationships and day to day living. I really enjoyed finding the fantastical in the mundane. 

After I accepted that I was trans in 2021 my writing opened up and probably got the closest in general vibes to what it was just after high school that it’s ever been.

I delved more into magical realism and imaginative stories, but also dystopian themes that grew from the new fears I gained by living in a world where I am not as safe as I was before. Over almost five years my writing has really matured in its style and how I craft my stories. 

Lately writing has been an extension of my journey to discover all of the parts of myself that opened up by accepting my truth. My first and second novels delve deep into themes of identity and discovering one’s place in the world. I think the quality of what I have done so far owes a lot to my personal journey. 

How has your growth over the years impacted your art? Are you happy with its effect?